last hope. last chance.

Forgive me.

I know I'm being selfish once again, disturbing your peace, your world, when I know you want to be left alone and when I know that you want to be separated from me. But I think I have to, I want to indulge myself with you, with heartaches of you, because it's the only thing I can hold on to right now, my only connections to you.

Yes, I know we've pointed out so many times.
I've changed. You've changed. We've changed.

I've become a part of a monster that even I can't control.

And you've become apart from my world.
Growing distant each day you get to face my demons.
And I feel such lost. Such remorse.
It feels like a part of me has died.
And I'm trying to retrieve every burning memory in my head. I can't let go. Not yet.

I want to analyze everything.
But emotions are quite wild horses. It is just as it is. You have to accept as it is.
I have yet again learn to control it.

I guess I lost more of myself to you in this relationship that I don't have anything anymore. I am left with nothing. I know you didn't ask for this, it was freely given.

I am yours

I have told you this a thousand time while you were sleeping in my arms.

I've become erratic, demanding and crazy with little bits of sarcasm.

I've witnessed you leave my world.

And maybe it's a good thing. Maybe such a thing is not meant to last.

Love teaches us to be strong.

Love strengthens our soul.

Funny though, lovers are of faith, but none the less, strangers-in-waiting. Once you turn your back, you don't know them anymore.

I hate you and I love you all the same.

And the more I try not to think about it leads me back from the start,

that night in Saguijo with you in a Viking Suite;

that night in the cemetery when you introduced me to your dad;

a sunflower in UP;

days in Hongkong, Boracay and Palawan;

days of your post-surgery,

and how we tried to make it work...

How we always tried.

There's so much more I wanna say. So much more I wanna share with you. But time won't allow us.

Forgive me once again.

I will look for you.

I might call you again or even be around you.

Help me forget you.

Try to understand.

Love is so short, forgetting is long.

Delay has always been a good antidote of anger.

I will try. I will get by, I know that I've been there before. I can still get out of it.

I just want to try everything, to give it all my efforts before turning my back to you. At least I've tried. I don't want what-ifs haunting me in the future.

So I guess... maybe... mmm.. what I'm trying to say is..

I still want to be with you. I know you know that.

And you can be stubborn and stupid and ruthless at the same time.

Come back to me.

But if you have made up your mind, that you don't need me as much as I need you...

I will miss your smile that makes my heart skip a beat.

I will miss your eyes that shine like silver in the darkest of nights.

I will miss running my hands through your long soft hair.

I will miss your voice that calls me in the sweetness of days.

I will miss your touch that takes away all the hurting...

Hurting...

So I guess, this IS goodbye.

You've become a part of me, as I've become a part of you.

You will never be mine, that is why I will never lose you.

You were my hope during days of loneliness,

my anxiety in days of doubt,

my certainty during momets of faith.

I will remember you. As you will remember me.

I will save you from all the hurting,

and if you need me, I will be there in a heartbeat.

I will remember you.

May the dark of the night protect you as it had protected me...