Thursday, March 25, 2010

i'm mad
i'm a mess

and it starts there,
i need to forgive myself first before
i start moving on

i'm a mess
and everyday is a journey to
start making a smaller mess out of me

i am grateful
he pointed out the problem
and how i am creating the problem
and how i can solve me

he pushes me to pursue a higher me

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

the end came.

Finally.

I had been long waiting for this moment.
I was scared.  Too scared to face the truth.
I know this will be harder than it seems, and easier than it feels.

It came to a point that I think I need an explanation.
That I deserve an explanation, on how things became,
On how things led the way it is now.
But, he made me realize that this is the end,
and that things are better left unsaid.
Monsters will surface and resurface once the past is defined.
And he knows we're better than that,
And I don't know how I can ever change his mind.

I want to change his mind.
But the wounds started bleeding again, badly.
And no matter how I nurse it,
It starts to bleed again.

STOP.
"You are just making this hard on yourself."

Like bullets pounding on my chest,
he killed me in that instant.

With so much love, came so much lost.
And as much as I want to find myself in his arms again,
makes me define how much self-worth I've lost.

I can't feel him anymore.
The connection we had was broken and if given the chance
to do it all over again, I will. I will.

If you can hear me,
If you can somehow channel your mind into mine.
I still love you.
I want you to know I still love you
even if it means that you can be happy without me.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Stars

Tonight, this night.
is one of the best nights
I ever had
I see a sandful, rather
grains of stars in a darklit sky
They somehow fill the emptiness of my mind
And it made me free
For a moment
IT WAS ME AND THE STAR

I am scared of the dark,
but nights like these
Somehow take away fright full ideas
Exagerrated by nonsense
movie thrillers on
Someone else's house

After a few
My favorite star
faded in my view,
Then I saw another beautiful star
I did not know there was
another star shining so bright

Was it there all along?
Did I fail to recognize it-
while I was gloriously enjoying the company
of my First Favorite star?

I tried to look back,
Remembering that first star,
Alas, my memory failed me.

It was me and my second favorite star now.

I waited for the breaking dawn,
but wishing it wouldn't be too soon
for I know that
the star I'm seeing now
Won't STAY THAT LONG;
Won't even be at the same spot tomorrow night;
it was just there for the moment and at this moment,
i bought time to join it in his loneliness.